Parents and 20-year-old brother insist that 18-year-old university student give $2700 of her own savings for her school to her brother to pay for his rent debt: ‘He owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it’

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jul 6, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Financial responsibility is important to learn, and it's bewildering that it's completely skipped over in most education. If your parents can't be bothered to teach it to you, you'll enter adulthood without it and learn the hard way what happens when you neglect to exercise financial restraint. 

Still, even if your parents try to teach it to you, you might not listen to them, deciding you'd rather give in to every impulse rather than listen to your stuffy ol' folks… What do they know anyway?

Whatever the circumstances, you'll soon find yourself in a situation where you owe money to someone for something, though hopefully not too much, and will have to learn how to budget to pay it back. And it's way harder to pay back money that has already been spent on top of your expenses than it is to just not spend it in the first place. Whatever that dollar value you owe is, hopefully, it's not too much, but enough to make you realize the seriousness of the reality of financial responsibility. 

Take this brother's situation, owing $2,500 is by no means a crippling debt but it is enough to make him think twice about his responsibility, should he actually learn the lesson. It is, however, an unreasonable amount of money to ask someone to give, or to coerce someone into giving. These parents have their approach to the situation all wrong, and rather than getting their sister to bail their brother out, they should be focusing on how they can ensure that he learns from this and can get it better next time. But their unwillingness to properly address this situation is how he probably ended up like this in the first place.

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  • "WIBTA if I didn’t give my brother money for rent?"

    I (18F) am starting university this fall. I have about $30,000 in savings/grants, meant to cover 4 years of undergrad + one year of grad school. That works out to roughly $6,000/year. I also qualified for financial aid and will be receiving around $18,000 for the school year. But it's paid in installments, and tuition is automatically deducted, so in reality, I'll have about $4,500/semester for living and school expenses. I'm also receiving a $2,500 bursary from my university.
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    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • For this upcoming fall semester, I'll have around $10,000 to spend, assuming I only use some of my savings. First year will be expensive. I'm living in residence, and will need to pay for bedding, furnishings, and electronics for school. I've budgeted for it all and will likely have a little leftover, either to spend on extras or save for the next semester.
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  • Now, onto the issue: my brother (20M) also had post-secondary savings/grants, though I'm not sure how much. He started university (commuted), dropped out, went to college a year later, and dropped out again. During that time, he signed a lease for an apartment he couldn't afford. He doesn't have a job and hasn't for years. When our mom told him the place was too expensive, he insisted he'd find work... he never did.
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  • Now, he owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it. And to be honest, I don't believe I'll see that money again. Her reasoning is that I'll still have ~$24,000 left in my savings after this year. Technically true, but that money has to last the next 4 years and possibly a master's program.
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  • What frustrates me is how little effort my brother puts into changing his situation. He says he dropped out to get tested for ADHD... okay, but he's doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. He turned down a one day job last week that our older brother offered to drive him to. Even if it's only for one day, it would give him some experience and at least some money to hold onto. When I suggested he go to therapy (which is covered by our mom's insurance), he said he didn't need it, just a diagnosi
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  • And the wildest part? He talks all the time about going to Stanford or Caltech and working at NASA. I'm not trying to crush his dreams, but he has no track record of following through, and no plan that actually reflects what those goals would require. Even if ADHD is a factor, you still have to put in the work. Medication alone doesn't fix everything.
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  • At the end of the day, I can technically afford to help. I just don't want to, because I don't trust I'll ever see that money again. And I don't think it's fair to take away from my education, something I've planned for and worked toward, because he refuses to help himself. Am I being unreasonable for saying no?
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  • OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I'm refusing to give my brother money that I do have and that he does need. He doesn't have any other options as of right now. My mom or older brother can't help him pay the rent.
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  • Big-Question-9513 · 10h ago Essential life lesson - never let your relatives, friends, non- friends know that you have a pot of gold.
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  • • AttemptOverall7128 10h ago NTA. It's a life lesson for him and it's not a crippling debt, he'll work it out if you don't bail him out. Maybe stop being so open about how much money you have coming in. I'd probably even lie and say there was a mistake and you won't be getting some of the financial aid. When you have financially irresponsible family it's best not to tell them about your finances, always act like you're struggling too!
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  • Internal_Cancel_4010 NTA, You're not unreasonable for refusing to pay your brother's rent. Your savings and grants are earmarked for your own education over the next four-plus years, and covering his $2,700 shortfall would jeopardize that plan with little chance of reimbursement. Your brother has repeatedly avoided work, therapy, and realistic budgeting, while you've shown discipline and foresight; enabling his choices now would only reinforce his lack of accountability. It's fair to set a
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  • firm boundary: explain that your funds are committed to tuition and living costs, encourage him to seek employment or support services, and let your mother know you can't sacrifice your future for a debt created by his inaction. Self-preservation isn't selfish—it's responsible.
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  • bookish-catlady · 10h ago NTA- Having people bail him out of trouble he's got himself into will not help your brother long term. HE needs to deal with these issues himself before it gets worse. Please don't put strain on your future for his sake as like you said, you probably won't see that money again.
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